Pondering on Joy and Happiness… and other things

I was thinking.

I always think.

Occasionally I wonder.  I wonder things like “what is the nature of joy?”  Sure, I have those moments of pefectly incandescent happiness.  Those moments are more akin to bonfires on the beach, whereas joy is like the fire that burns at the core of a small planet.  True joy is internal and self-sustaining.  Happiness is contingent and external.  The winds of change and the harsh waters of reality can douse the flames of happiness, but joy is- it simply IS regardless of circumstance or feeling.  Joy, like love is not a feeling.

I was thinking about this after a particularly positive conversation with an old friend.  I basked in the glow of his support and encouragement.  It’s been a while since anyone [not family :) ] has given me their undivided attention and genuinely cared about my well-being.  Of course, there is the issue of me liking the attention.  I realize with increasing alarm that small gestures mean far more to him than they do to me.  I take the emails, phone calls, IMs, Facebook messages all for granted.   These thoughts punctured my happy feelings.  I can’t take this if I am not willing to reciprocate.  I know too well that feeling of being taken for granted and I do not wish the same on another.   If you notice, I have carefully avoided any mention of my actual feelings for him.  That’s telling, isn’t it?

I’ll admit that communication is not my strong suit.  I try.  I am a direct person in all matters but the personal.

I think I’ll conclude for the day :)


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