Poem: A Waxen Love in the Sun + Musings


You told me that I was adored, easily appreciated.

Sure, I was easy on the eyes and ears, but not your heart.

You even said that you loved me- several times.

In prose and poetry you told me.

I only ever said it in poetry, which you doubted.

Then the fog of infatuation blew away and clarity came.

I saw the imbalance, the loss of control, the impatience.

I saw the subtle acts of control, exercises of dominance.

It began with words, and no doubt ended with actions.

You said, “I don’t deserve or demand any more than you freely give”

That one of several falsehoods you told me.

You pushed and pushed until I gave more than I wanted to

Cut by cut, silence by silence we drew apart.

My silences, your words, our rift- and it grew.

I merely loved the idea of you-

Just as you loved what you could shape me into.

I resisted- silent revolutions and resistances-

I resisted because I refuse to be the Galatea to your Pygmalion

I am flesh, sinew, soul, ephemera and so much more

And I am formed and loved by my Creator.

I am not wax to be molded to your liking.

Love me as I am. Love me now.

Love me enough to tolerate my foibles now

and love me enough to see me change.

You called me precious, you said you adored me-

I deserved so much more than you gave me (and vice versa)

I deserved more than your wrath and you deserved more than my silence.

So in the end, the rupture was a blessing.

You wrote me off with vituperative words

and I blessed you out of my life. Vaya con Dios.

Goodbye and God bless you.

I wrote this because I have had to assert my identity in Christ more and more.  It’s difficult in the context of a relationship (friendship or otherwise) w/ a non-believer.  I think that’s why 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns believers not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. Although the Word is clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:15-17, Luke 16:17-19, Mark 10, Matthew 5:32, Matthew 19 ), 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 states:

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

In the event that the unbeliever leaves, the believer is released from their marriage covenent: “A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.”  The fact that this stipulation was necessary is telling.  It makes sense that the non-believer’s choice to leave is in fact, a RELEASE for the believer.

I am committed to marrying a Christian man.  This goes without saying.

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