Epiphany: Purpose & Preparation

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world” 

-Arthur Schopenhauer

As I was driving home from my Macroeconomics final, I had an epiphany. Until that point, I had been struggling with the idea that I’m working toward a goal that may never come into fruition. All of this preparation for graduate school, for a career as a human rights and anti-trafficking advocate could be for naught, I said. Navigating the narrow, windy roads flanked by seemingly endless rows of grapevines, I realized- aha! I cannot see precisely because I am so close to all of it. I’m like the ant next to a eucalyptus tree. My purpose, my life’s work is part of something much bigger and this period of waiting and preparation is equipping me for the next step. I am the ant next to the eucalyptus tree because I do not see or conceive the full magnitude of what I am a part of. (Aside: we must not confuse small size for insignificance. Even the most microscopic organism is essential to an ecology’s equilibrium.)

Then I realized that basing my belief in what I see narrows my scope of possibility severely. The lens through which I view life is limited. If I were to imagine what God has in store for me, I’d have to expand my mind a great deal. I am so entrenched in my human-ness, so stuck in my temporal, linear way of thinking and being that I cannot conceive the greater picture without some sort of divine revelation. In fact, 1 Corinthians 2:9 says it succinctly:

However, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”

When I think of it this way, I can look back at the 19 months since I moved back into my parents’ home and understand that this period has been one of waiting, equipping and preparing. My volunteer experience and freelance work is valuable, even if it has not yet afforded me the financial independence I so crave. I have to step back and express gratitude for my parents’ support during my search for employment and my preparation for graduate studies in international relations.

In the 2 years and 2 months of my job search, I have learned so much. I’ve learned how to write a personalized cover letter free of errors, and I’ve learned the art of resume-writing and turned it into a marketable skills. I have also honed my interview skills.

And now that I have completed my macroeconomics requirement for graduate school, I am poised to apply to the programs of my choice. I have the paperwork ready to go, the letter of recommendation, and the test scores. All I need to do is fill out the application, finish the personal statements and admissions essays and send in the completed application package.

I can do this. I have been purposed and equipped to do this.

6 Comments

  1. Yes, Amen. As someone who is only a few months into her job search, I know I appreciate all of the stories and lessons learned from you and our other friends who are un(der)employed. I am so excited to see where you will be going, and please let me know if you want another set of eyes to look over any admissions essays.

    1. Hi Amanda! I might take you up on your offer :)

      BTW, I wanted to wish you well w/ studying for the Bar Exam! Am praying for your success.

  2. Beautiful post- it’s great to see how far you’ve come in 2 years and what path you are going to take next. Wishing you all the best and hoping our paths will cross at some point, maybe in grad school :)

    1. Thank you for stopping by! I do believe that we will cross paths. I’m excited about that prospect!

  3. I really like this post because it reminded me of what happened this morning. My mother called me, telling me that I need to look into becoming a member of the Reserves because I’m jobless and haven’t had much success. She told me that this is the reality of the situation and tried to convince me that in the past, I’ve done what was necessary. Though I don’t perceive my actions as having been that way.

    Anyway, your post reminded me of “there’s a bigger picture”. As I strive to become more connected to my spirituality and try to maintain this mentality – it’s been more than just difficult. I don’t know what I want to do with myself career wise – and in general – and it’s depressing me. But venting on Twitter unleashed an amount of support that I didn’t think was available to me.

    But – it’s definitely a struggle because even if other people go through similar things, I’m still the one who has to live my life. I’m not sure if I learned anything valuable since I’ve been job hunting though. It certainly doesn’t seem like it!

    Anyway – great post. :]

    1. Hey! Thanks for stopping by :) I didn’t think I learned anything from my job search until recently. You might learn a lot about yourself. I have a tougher skin after all of the rejections & non-responses from employers. I’ve even learned what I want to do as opposed to what I don’t want to do. All in all, it’s been humbling.

      And I agree- Twitter has been a great resource in my job search- support, leads, advice.. it’s all there.

      =]

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